I’ll be the first to admit it—I’m a naturally curious person.
A question asker.
It’s one reason I went into journalism. It’s one reason I became a writer. I want to know all I can and figure out WHY certain things happen.
But sometimes, I can’t figure it out.
Sometimes, I’m probably like a pesky four-year-old, asking WHY? over and over, to no avail.
The cool thing about God?
He’s okay with that.
Eight years ago today, something very difficult happened in my life. I lost my mother when I was nineteen. She’d battled for a long time with cancer, and finally, went home to be with the Lord.
Of course, I was devastated.
Of course, I was angry.
But more than anything else, the main thing I felt was this…deep sense of injustice. I wanted to know WHY.
So I asked God. Over and over again, I asked Him.
Why did she die, when other cancer victims survived? Was she any less worthy? Were WE? Did she do something wrong?
Wouldn’t more people have been saved and affected if He’d allowed her to live at the last moment? If she’d made a miraculous recovery, wouldn’t that have been better?
What purpose was there in her death? Couldn’t God have found another way to draw me to Him?
Was THAT His purpose? If it was, that didn’t make me want to draw close to Him. It felt like He wanted me to run to Him so He could comfort me…but He was the only one who could make her better and…He wasn’t.
Why? Why? Why?
I still don’t necessarily know the answers to the majority of my questions. But I do know this, without a doubt.
God NEVER got tired of me asking them.
He was patient with me, even in my tears, and my anger, and my heartache. I said some not-very-nice things to Him. I raged, asked the same questions over and over. I doubted. I wavered.
If He’d been standing next to me, I probably would have been pounding my fists against His chest, alternately crying into His bosom and screaming at Him, fingers pointed.
But He was God enough to handle my questions, my anger, my heartache.
And through it all, He still loved me, patiently.
But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. (Psalm 86:15)
Your Turn: When was God patient with you?